frustration at its best.

Lately, I have been feeling really, really stuck. It's like everything I want and everything I need is just out of reach. It's dangling there in front of me, just a little to high and a little too far away. I can't really explain it, nor do I know what exactly it is I can't seem to reach. I can't put my finger on what's missing; yet I know something is just not right. There's a piece of the puzzle yet to fall into place, and I won't be able to relax until that puzzle is whole and perfect again.

sometimes,

I think it would be cool to be in a coma.
I wonder what actually happens in that split second before you die.
I wish I could fly.
I wonder if I'm mentally retarded, and I just don't know it. Do people with mental illnesses know they have mental illnesses? Or do they just think they're different and everyone else is weird and looks at them funny. Cause I feel like that sometimes.
I wonder if I'm fat enough to be a plus sized model. Cause even plus sized models...are pretty fuckin skinny.
What it would be like to be in jail. And if I maybe would enjoy it. I like solitude.
I hate everyone I know.
I consider believing in God.
I want to be 5 years from now. Skip all this high school bullshit.
The point of an appendix seems nonexistent. Actually no, that one's all the time. I mean really...what's it there for.
I wonder if I have an undiagnosed something.
I think whoever invented mayonnaise, and then called it mayonnaise, was in a legitimate state of psychosis.
I think...why do we think. What is thinking? It's like talking...but no one can hear you. How does it work? Like it's just a voice in our heads, but it's ourselves talking. Except it's not a voice because it doesn't have sound waves. Thinking about thinking makes you think. And confuses the hell out of you.
I just don't know.

The Premise of a Promise

Actually.
What's the deal with promises? I mean, what is a promise anyway? "Promise". That's a word. That's all I get outta that. There are millions of others like it... Nothing special there.
But there has to be a bigger idea behind it all, right? Relationships are built and relationships are destroyed on the premise of a "promise". What makes that one word so powerful? I don't get it; seven letters - that's it.
I can seal any deal with a "yeah, I promise" just as easily as I can with a "yeah, sure". What's the difference? It's all just words coming out of holes in our heads, right? What makes that one coveted seven letter word so different from any other word? Different from any other phrase of confirmation?
I'm just saying: I think people make way to big a deal outta promises. I mean you break a promise to the right person - or maybe the wrong person - and it's the end of the world. Hell has frozen over, you are a big black demerit in their book of wonders, and you are OVER. Never to be trusted again. Nope, you blew it. YOU PROMISED!!
So what.
I try not to promise things anymore. No promises for me. Not because I can't keep one, or because I cannot stay true to my word, but because I think they're pointless. Instead of promising someone I'll bring the five bucks I owe them tomorrow, why can't I just say I will, and then do it? Why do I need to glitter and glam it up with a promise? Personally, I think the people who can follow through without having to promise they will can be better trusted than those who have to bond it with a promise so they'll actually do it.
Promises are ALL mental. They're for guilt and mind games, for two reasons:
a)So you can guilt yourself into following through with your word. It's a kind of self motivation; a source of initiative to actually do what you said you would. If you tell yourself your promised, I dont know... I guess that means you better do it. Or else!
b)So other people trust you. Even though, as I tried to explain earlier, people who make promises can't be trusted. Promises get broken allll the time. But if there's no promise...nothing can be broken...get what I'm saying?...
So basically, I'm an over-analyzer. Thinking things through and breaking them down until they pass the point of making sense is what I do. So take what you will, agree or disagree. No matter. Just my thoughts for the day...

But dating would ruin our friendship.

Written by Kimberly Pruitt

I really like you. I do. You’re so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don’t really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don’t you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We’re so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn’t want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once-would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I’ve got going here.

It’s just…you’re like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you’ve spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don’t have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I’d call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn’t answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don’t even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, can you even imagine getting naked in front of each other? I’ve known you so long, you’re more like a brother that I’ve drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again. It’d be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you’d come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I’ve had a bad day at work, you’d be looking at me like, “I’ve seen her breasts.” God, I can’t think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I’d be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don’t see how much it crushes you. Let’s never lose that. That’s what makes us us.

Don’t worry. You’re so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You’ll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I’ll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won’t believe it when you say we’re just friends. But when she dumps you, that’s just what we’ll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

congratulations

My mind it kind of goes fast
I try to slow it down for you
I think I'd love to take a drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years...

my heart.

agree?

"wise girls kiss but never love, listen but never believe, and leave before they are left!"

Stupidest thing I've ever heard. I actually read this today - on my friend's facebook page. And it actually kind of made me a little mad that she would agree with such total and utter bullshit. That advice is safe; that advice is easy. That advice is exactly what you need...for a fake, pretend, bunk ass excuse for a relationship. Kiss but never love? What is a relationship without love...? Is it just me that doesn't see the logic in that?... A life without love is no life I want to live... Listen but never believe? Yeah I guess, if you have something against being your own person; standing up for what keeps you going; putting faith into something that just might change your life. Leave before they are left? Okay this one, I kind of get. Kind of. But I still think it's absolute and complete bull. You cannot base a relationship on it's ending. Because all relationships inevitably come to an end. That fact can't be escaped. The ones that miraculously survive into a faithful marriage eventually are ripped apart by death.

Just wanted to share my rage.
That's all.

consider this bill guy

For every sixty seconds you are angry you waste sixty seconds of happiness?
Bullshit.
Because we, as humans, are hypocrites, and we are liars.
It's more like, 'for every sixty seconds of genuine, raw, focused anger, you save yourself the waste of sixty seconds of fake, plastic happiness'.