4-way-stop

this is where i'm at. a four way stop.
i could go forward, into something new. something i've never done before, something that would scare the shit out of me.
or, i could go left. i can see where i'm headed if i go left, but not where the road ends up. i know where i'm going, but not what i'll pass on the way there.
or i could go right. right is similar to left; i can see where i'm turning, i know where i'm going, but, yet again, i dont know where it will take me.
finally. i could back it up. i can go back somewhere safe. i can fall back on a place i've been before and where i know exactly what will happen. everything will be predictable and i'll have the majority of control. no risks, no unknowns.
so, you see, i seem to be stuck. i sit here holding up traffic while i try to make up my mind. people are honking at me, yelling at me. but this is not a decision that can fairly be made split-second. oh no. it is one which requires time, thought, and consideration. but i have to think fast. or shit's gonna start crashing.

closure

I like it.

jesus.

Blogs are stupid.

inner beauty, and all that jazz

A person can walk past a flower, notice it's intricacy and perfection; they can look into the eyes of the one they love and see no flaws - no faults.
But when they are faced with themselves, they see no right. We are blinded to our own potential and the greatness we possess. And I don't know why.

Every individual, big or small, regardless of colour or age or any other limitations society may place on them, is beautiful. So beautiful. I put it in such simplistic terms because it is such a simple idea - yet so unbelievably powerful that I lack the words to better describe it.

Humans - people - are so incredibly complex and convoluted that I don't believe anyone actually takes the time to slow down and look for anything more than what they see at first glance. I don't understand why flaws are so much easier to point out than virtues. I don't understand why a person would choose to tear themselves down when, in less words, they could step back and appreciate themselves for all the amazing that they are.

I couldn't tell you where I am going with this. Because it is such a huge idea that I am having trouble finding the right words to explain what is going on in my head. So I will leave it at that; take what you may.

Another Day

And if you're listening, I miss you.
And if you hear me now, I need you.

I know we're getting closer.
I know you're coming back for me this time.

I know that you left before goodbye.
And it's okay. There's always another day.

I don't think you meant to say goodbye.
But it's okay.
There's always another day.

You never seem to understand, and you let me slip straight through your hands.

crash and burn

We did, didn't we - crashed and burned? There was a million chances, a million changes, a million promises, a million dreams. But in the end, they all meant nothing. None of them lasted, none of them withheld. And now we are left empty and alone. You never even looked back.

I wish with everything I have we could have ended it differently. Everything. This is not how I want to remember you; not how I want you to remember me. I should have held you one last time. I should have told you I loved you, one last time. I should have turned around. I should have walked away before we came to this. I'm sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry...

Reality.
Such a difficult concept.

senses

I'm almost at the shore. I can't allow the wave to touch me, or I will fall and be crushed forever. I'm so close; I can see the sand. But the wave is coming so fast, so fast. I can hear it - I can feel it. But I mustn't stop, or I will never get back up again. It will take me under, so far under, and pull me down and back, down and back, away and away, forever and ever.

an epic of time wasted

So much time I've wasted.
I can truly say I never thought it would come to this.
Never would I doubt you, but the truth kept smacking me in the face.
Reality. You never stopped to think and you ripped us apart.
How could you? Now our time is gone but it's still breaking my heart.
Tears run down as I think of the days we've had,
and the memories will last forever,
but you and I have died and gone our separate ways.
You are the one.
You are the wrong one.
Breaking the mold.
Going your own way.
All I feel, betrayal.
So much time I've wasted, and I never thought it'd come to this.
Apology.
We had something great, then it was washed away.
We had something more, then I can explain.
I'm sorry.
No. We had something great, then it was washed away.
No. Not all friendships last, the genuine are harder to take.
No. Time to start again, hope someday you'll think of me.
No. The end reality, I know someday I'll think of you.

your no good, no good for me.

I should have listened to myself.

I should have listened to everyone else.

I should have went with what felt right the first time.

But shoulda woulda coulda right? No more apologies, no more hard feelings or regret. It's time to let go; time to move on. Time to give someone else a go because I can't just hog all the good people all the time now, can I?

Yes, I leave a little angry. And yes, I leave hurt beyond what I previously thought were my limits. But I leave relieved and I leave happy, in an odd and twisted way. I have learned, I have taught, and I have changed. For the better, and for the worse. But the better is all that counts.

I believe in soul mates. And that every relationship before the one with "the one", is nothing more than a preparation, meant to teach and prepare you for when you find that soul mate so it can be amazing and everything it is meant to be. So that's what makes me happy to look at what we had: a learning experience. Of course, it was much more than that, but when it comes down to it, we just weren't meant to be. And so now we just have to keep moving. Keep searching, keep looking for our soul mates. And I would like to thank you for helping me along the way.

if you see me runnin' back

I've accepted the fact that we can't be, but I've also accepted that you're going to be that one person I carry with me for the rest of my life, the one that is always going to make my heart jump a little and my stomach tie up in knots no matter how happy I am otherwise...no matter how long its been.

crazy...

It's so weird, you know? How we always inevitably find ourselves running back to someone who hurt us, for some reason thinking it will go differently a second time around. Or that they have changed, or will change, or are changing. When in reality, they are exactly the same. They haven't changed, never will change, and are nowhere near a person different than the one they were before.

Everyone deserves a second chance. I believe this, wholeheartedly. But second chances are very nieve things, and must be handled with care. People have the potential to change, absolutely. But the probability of it actually happening is slim to none. Now take into heart this is nothing more than my pessimistic view, based on only the experiences and come-acrossings retained within my short life. I have no scientific proof, no factual evidence; no concrete examples. I am not constructing a stereotype, nor am I saying no person ever changes.

But I have loved. I have fallen out of love, I have been lied to, and I've been fed false promises.

I have feelings, broken words, and an empty table setting.

And, frankly, that is all the proof I need.

To conclude that second chances mean nothing more than a setting up of ones self for failure and disappointment a second time.